Two BFNs in Two Weeks

Oct 21 I took a HPT, and it was BFN. Two weeks later on Nov 4 I took another one and again, BFN. I am on CD 52, and was on BCP last cycle. I have to call my doctor and hope he's got an available morning appointment on Nov 18th. I'm going out of town that afternoon and will possibly meet someone for lunch, so I'd like to get in that morning. That morning is important because it's the day after payday (I have no insurance) and I'll have taken another HPT that morning (fully expecting another BFN).
I don't get it. I have no idea why my body has decided that it refuses to work unless it's medicated. If I'm not on Clomid or BCP it can be many months between AFs. It seems to be getting worse, too. I used to be able to O on Metformin alone, yet the last cycle I went just on Met was annov and lasted 49 days. This cycle I'm completely unmedicated.
Who knows - and sometimes I wonder if anyone even cares, including me. I'm getting jaded about the whole thing. I want a baby - desperately - but it's getting to the point where I'm giving up because it's easier to tell myself it doesn't matter than trying to convince myself that it will work someday. It doesn't help that my co-workers see me with other people's children and comment on how good a mommy I will be and how great I am with kids.

Not nearly enough

I do not post nearly enough in this blog. And this post isn't much, as it is mostly something I posted in one of my BGs on FF, with a few more details. I still can't sit at the computer for very long so I'm doing a lot of C&P lately. It frustrates me, because I like to do different posts for each BG, even if I am saying essentially the same thing.

I got weighed at the doctor's office this morning and was 237.5. I was expecting it to be a lot higher since I've been pretty much sedentary for the last 5 weeks (first the sprained ankle, then the car accident). I only gained 1/2 pound since my last official weigh-in, so I'm happy with that!
I really like my new doctor. He's going to be our family doctor, so I did ask around quite a bit and I'm glad I chose him. He didn't make me feel like he was in a hurry to get done with me, and answered all my questions. He also asked me if I wanted more meds (I said no, I've stopped my muscle relaxer and he offered me another but I don't think I need it, and he was fine with that - he said to let him know if I change my mind). He said that OTC ibuprofen and tylenol are fine if they work to help my pain. And, he set me up to start getting physical therapy. That will be awesome, because it will be a set amount of exercise, 2-3 times per week.

Someone stopped by and offered to buy my smashed car, but only wanted to give us $40 for it! The parts we just put in plus the oil change I got less than a week before the accident was over $50. We know we won't get a whole lot for the car since it can't be driven and will most likely only be useful for its parts, but we are sure that we can get more than $40 for it.

As Easy as Falling off a Ladder

Yesterday at work I fell off of a ladder. Let me tell you, that sucked big time.

I was getting empty propane tanks for gas grills off a high shelf to put on lower shelves so customers could reach them. I was coming down the ladder with a box in my hand (something I've done hundreds of times before) and suddenly, I was on the floor and my left ankle was killing me. My foot had rolled under as it hit the floor, and my weight coming off the ladder plus the weight of the tank I was carrying (approx 10 lbs) made it much worse than any ankle roll I've ever had before. I wanted to cry, it hurt so bad. Luckily, someone (a co-worker) saw me fall and he knew what to do (who to call, etc).
After about half an hour of my foot being propped up and having ice on it, I decided that I should probably get it looked at. So off I went to Urgent Care to pee in a cup (drug test) and have them poke and prod and X-ray and tell me I've got a sprain. Not even a really bad sprain, just a painful one. I got to go home three hours early - that was nice in a way but I'll miss that money come payday.
The doctor said that I should be fine by the time I need to go back to work on Thursday (lucky I got Tues & Wed off). I don't know about that so much, but it does feel a little better today than yesterday - or it did until I spent all day having to walk around on it. Tried crutches for a while yesterday; those didn't last long since they pinched my arms and made my hands dirty and sore. The doctor didn't say I had to use them anyway - just said to stay off of it, so I figure it's no biggie if I don't use them.
I'll just have to see how it goes tomorrow. I don't have much planned, so I will most likely spend most of the day in the company of icepacks and pillows trying to make sure that the swelling and pain stays down.

Weights and Measures

My own, I mean. Today I will buy a tennis raquet and a few tennis balls, and I will start playing tennis again. Jon says that he "can't move fast enough" to play with me, the dork. But two people that I work with are willing to play, so I will have people to play with. Maybe we'll even get more people interested and then we'll all have more options about when and how often to play.

Today's weight was 234. I've been hovering around 234 for about 6 months now. It's not too bad, since at one point I was up to 250. But I want to get down to less than 200. I'm working my "weigh" there, in 10 pound increments. I can't "weight" until my short term goal is set at 1-something instead of 2-something.
Measurements: I guess I can at least say I'm still proportional; my waist is smaller than my hips & bust.
Bust: 50
Waist: 46
Hips: 50
Arms: L-15.5, R-14.75
Thighs: L-28.5, R-27.5

There are two different ways to measure for a bra. One says that I should be wearing a 44D, the other says 42H. What I am wearing: 38DDD (same as 38F). Maybe I'll try a 40DDD and see how well it fits. I'm wary of going up a band size because I hate the feeling that my boobs are leaking out underneath my bra. But it has been several years (and about 30 pounds) since I tried a bigger band, so there's a good chance that I won't leak out of a 40 or even a 42. First things first: see if I can find an affordable bra in that size to try.

Too long between email sessions....

So I discovered today that it had been WAY TOO LONG since I'd been into my email. I had over 300 messages in my inbox, and over 4000 in my junk box! Thank God the weather is much cooler today than it has been - I have been online for over two hours just wading through the messages in the inbox. I hope there is nothing important in the junk box, because there is just NO WAY I am going to wade through that as well.

Not much going on around here. I made a new website for the baby I lost - the link to it is under one of my TTC after Loss blinkies in my FF siggy. There's not much to it though - it is through a site for memorial websites, but they are geared towards people who lived (outside the womb) before they died. There are spots for others to comment on how this person touched their lives, and for photos, and things along that line. I did put some things in, like a timeline, but I haven't put the u/s photo I have up yet.
I finished my first round of Clomid - "good" BD timing but still no pregnancy. It's okay though. I have a sense of peace over it all, and I have good feelings that this dosage of Clomid will work, within the 6 month timeframe my doc set out. I am hoping that this month will be our month! If not, we have a month to save up for monitoring during the final round of Clomid. If we do not get pg on this, my doc will refer me to someone else who will prescribe Femara. He isn't comfortable prescribing it yet, but has colleages who will and has no problem referring patients out. The last time I saw him, he said, "There are doctors out there who know more than me." I thought it was a great thing for a doctor to say.

I've been reading up a storm this summer - I've probably read about 30 books since the middle of June. It's been great - I love to read and had actually forgotten the joy of going to the library for a stack of books. Now I try to get to the library at least once a week, and check out a number of books on only a few different things. I enjoy reading Fantasy novels, and have checked out books of poetry, some general fiction, and a couple of crochet/knitting pattern books. I also checked out Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and while I found it interesting, I didn't really get much more out of it than I had already gotten from FF. The only real new information to me from the book was the different types of CM - FF just has a few, and TCOYF has about three different categories in each type that FF lists. I don't think I'll buy the book (it had been on a wish list in the past) but I will probably check it out again and re-read it to see if I change my mind again.

My Arwen Died

Arwen was my guinea pig. She was sweet and kinda cuddly, very jumpy and squeeked a lot (we often called her "Squeeky" because she was so noisy). But she died on Monday. She was two and a half.

She died because she was in the sun for too long on a hot day. Jon wanted to set off bug bombs in the house, so we put her in her cage (an aquarium) outside in the shade. Unfortunately, the shade moved faster than we thought it would, and by the time Jon came home to check on everything Arwen was in full sun and she was not moving. He moved her cage right away to the opposite side of the house (where the shade now was) and checked her water bottle (it was full) and gave her a light mist from the hose to help cool her. He said she moved a little when he misted her with the hose, but by the time I got home from work she was gone.

Jon feels really bad because the whole bug-bomb thing was his idea, and he came up with where would be the best place for Arwen's cage outside, and all of that. Plus he never really liked having her around, because she was noisy and sometimes stinky (but the stinky part was my fault - I wasn't as good about cleaning as I should have been).
Honestly though, I am not mad at him, or upset or pissed or any of it. I am disappointed that she died, but I do not blame Jon for it. It was an accident. He did not set out to kill her (actually, he knew that I had talked to someone about giving her a new home) and I had thought that the shade would stay on that side of the house longer as well.

We buried her yesterday, and I am throwing away or giving away all of her things. Basically, if it still looks new or nearly new, I'm giving it away, and if it is obviously used I am throwing it away. I still have to figure out what to do with the food and bedding I still have left - about half a bag of food and over half a bag of bedding - and that was a massive bag of bedding. I work with someone who has guinea pigs of her own, so I will probably see if she wants the food and bedding.

We're not going to get another guinea pig (it would be silly since we were planning to get rid of this one). What we are going to do instead is set up a large aquarium to hold Oscars and other big fish. Aquariums are nice, and it will be nice to have a big one instead of a tiny one for a change.

Migraines Suck

Today at work I started getting a headache. It wasn't too bad and I was able to pretty much ignore it. Then, Jon & I went to the movies tonight. During the movie my headache got worse & worse until it became a full-blown migraine - the flashing lights and noise from the screen were just killing me. It was upsetting to me not only that the migraine came on so strong but also that I was unable to enjoy the movie because of it. I took some Advil when we got home but it hasn't helped yet - I'm hoping that I can sleep it off and feel better tomorrow!

Two inches too small....

That is the entrance into our kitchen. It's two inches too small for the fridge to go through. Even if they would have taken the doors off, it still would have been too big to fit. Actually, I think the two inches too small was without the doors.
We got a new fridge today. The landlord decided to just get us a new one - she called at about the time she said she'd be over and asked what side the door opened on. Then said that a new one would be delivered sometime between 10 and 11 am. They showed up at 10:55, so they were on time!
The guys who delivered the new one and picked up the old one literally had to lift both fridges up over the counter to get them out and in. It was amazing to see these two guys lifting the fridge up and over our counter - which is pretty impressive considering the height of the counter at it's highest point, which of course they had to go over. Essentially, they lifted it up to about shoulder height.
Our new fridge is nice. It is very similar to the old one, but has one extra shelf in the fridge as well as movable shelves in the door. The freezer door shelves are a tad narrower than the old ones were (my ice cube tray no longer fits in the door) but the storage space itself is a bit bigger, both in the freezer and the fridge. The new one is the same height and depth as the old, but about three inches wider.
I'm just glad we were able to get it all done so quickly. Considering the fact that it's a holiday weekend, we feel very lucky that we were able to contact the landlord and that she was able to get our fridge replaced so fast.

Now to get our food back....

Death of a Refridgerator

Our fridge has died. It happened some time yesterday evening, I think. Last night I had some ice cream and it seemed a little soft, but I didn't really think much of it. This morning, stuff in the freezer was thawed, and I was concerned but I thought maybe I hadn't shut it all the way after getting the ice cream last night. So we made sure that the freezer was shut tight all day long. This evening (around 8pm) we checked and everything was completely melted. The ice cube trays held only water and the frozen veggies were mush. Then we checked the fridge - the milk jug and water pitcher were both sweating - sure signs that the fridge was warming up as well.
We packed everything we could save into the cooler and took it over to my mom's place to store in her fridge for a day or so. The rest of it had to be thrown out. I suppose it's a good way to completely clean out the fridge, but it is frustrating just the same. We called the landlord and she will be coming over tomorrow morning to look at the fridge and see if she thinks it can be simply repaired or if it will need to be replaced. I don't know what she knows about refridgerators, but I guess she just wants to see for herself that it is no longer working.
Of course, a visit from the landlord means that we had to clean the kitchen and dining room really well, in addition to getting the clutter out of the living room. When I get up in the morning I'll be cleaning the inside of the fridge (it's empty now, but I haven't actually cleaned it yet) as well as cleaning out the guinea pig's pen.

Which is another story entirely - Arwen (the guinea pig) is going to have a new home soon. I talked to someone I know from the theatre and she already has one female pig and is interested in having another. I told her that I have one that I would like to find a good home for, and she said that if I am serious about giving her away then they will take her. I'm happy to know that she will be going to a place where she will be taken care of - a lot better than I have taken care of her. I do feel badly that I have neglected her so much.

Long time no blog...

So yeah, I've been really bad about blogging lately. It's not a lack of desire, although at times it has been a lack of thought. There are honestly times that I forget that I even have a blog, and someone mentioning to me that they haven't seen an update in awhile jogs my memory. (insert little blushing smiley here).

I'm working a lot more now that I have been transferred to the garden center. I am done with being in the play. It was a lot of fun, but very much stressful and I am glad to have it done with. I'll be posting more on that later on when I get a few photos to go with it.

Today I mowed on the yard, then came in and took a shower. Jon decided that he wanted to mow some as well, and now our yard is nearly completely mowed, in only one day! What a concept! He even raked a large portion of the yard. He has decided that we need a wheelbarrow, to make raking the front yard easier if for no other reason. I think it would also make it easier to get the sticks and things out of the yard, since we could stop just tossing them out of the way of the mower and actually get rid of them.

But we're done with yardwork for the day and Jon's in the shower now. When he gets out of the shower, he wants to go get ice cream. I don't blame him, mowing & raking is hot, sweaty work.

How do you move on from this?

I'm going through a rough time right now. Someone who has claimed to be my best friend for the last 10 years has completely turned on me. She has been sending me nasty emails and claiming that I am the horrible one.
It was easy to let it all go in one ear and out the other, since I am willing to move on and get away from her, but yesterday I got an email saying how annoying I was that I talked about not being able to have a baby. That hurts, because I don't bring that up; I talk about how things are going with that when people ask me. Mostly because I try not to think too much about it myself. So when she says that my talking about it annoyed her but she listened anyway because she was my friend, that really hurts, since I know that I wouldn't have brought the subject up.

I don't know what to do. I'd like to be the bigger person and just ignore her, but there's a part of me that wants to tell her off before I get her out of my life. Part of it is a desire to not let her get the last word, which I know is so petty. I hate feeling this way. I am so glad I've got other friends and I'm not desperate to keep her in my life.

This & That

Today was a pretty good day. Much better than yesterday. Although yesterday did have its moments as well.

Like that feeling of freedom you get when you pay off a debt. It was a wonderful feeling to hand over that check and have that debt taken care of, even though I had to go into debt to someone else to pay it off, and even though I was being called a shitty friend at the time.

Which did kinda hurt. I know that I am not a shitty friend. I am a slow-communicating friend at times, yes. And a poor friend, with little money for visiting. Desire does nothing to put gas in the tank or food on the table. So if someone offers to give me money for gas if I'll come see them, sure, I'll go. Am I likely to go on my own? Probably not. Like I said, I'm poor. I work part-time (although that will hopefully soon change), and my hours at work are not steady to say the least. But I remember birthdays and anniversaries, and when invited I make an attempt to go. A shitty friend I am not, and I know it. But it still stings to be called one.

Today was a great day though. I slept a little later than I had planned to, but I got up and got dressed and didn't do much. I played with my birthday present from my loving hubby (Sims 2 University) while cleaning in the kitchen some. I worked on an afghan that I am hoping to finish by the end of April. Then I went to work. Work was actually fun tonight, since I covered a different department and the change of scenery made the night go that much faster. After work I came home and talked to my sister on the phone and a good friend online. I will probably play some more of my game before going to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow.

It's not an exciting existance, but it's my life. And most of the time, it's not too bad of a life.

The Good, the Bad, and the Nasty

I actually had a good weekend. Only a little of it was bad. But I'll start with the bad, include the nasty with that even though I only found out about it today, and go to the good at the end.

The bad is my former friend. Former BEST friend to be exact. The same one who sent me the email about the fact that she feels as if I am spending her money because I owe her money.
I was supposed to make a two hour drive (one way) to have dinner for her birthday. This was something I had agreed to, despite the fact that I did not really want to go because my husband was not invited. I feel (and several people have already agreed with me) that if my husband is not invited, then I am truly not invited either. Plus, I would have had to drive back home, by myself and in the dark, Saturday night because I had to work on Sunday morning. So looking forward to this dinner party I was not. Fate and God were on my side, since it started snowing very late Friday night and by Saturday morning was a true blizzard. There was no way I could go. The weather was just too bad and was only supposed to get worse. I called to wish her a happy birthday and to apologize for not being able to make it, and she proceeded to yell and cry at me that I was ruining her birthday by staying home.
It was not just me. My sister and her family were visiting at our house for the weekend, and they were also planning to attend this dinner. Some last minute information had made it so that my sister truly did not wish to go as well (she found out only after she was at my house that an aging cocker spaniel would be running around loose in the house - not too bad unless you remember that my sister has a 17-month-old who has never been around dogs and this dog has not spent much time with toddlers). Since she was at my house, and the weather concerns were hers as well, they also decided not to go. They also decided that it was not safe for them to go home on Saturday, which was their original plan since they live close to the city where the dinner party was to be held.
My former friend, even after being told that the roads here were impassable and that we could not go, faulted ALL of us for not going. Even my sister and BIL, who have a small child to think about! It was apparently something that we were all doing against her personally. Her attitude in all of this has lost her not one, not two, but three friends and a potential friend in my neice (who isn't old enough to decide yet). She also apparently agrees that we should no longer be friends since all of us have been removed from her friends list on Live Journal.

The nasty is that she hates my husband. Apparently she always has. I found this out today. She posted in a forum that she has always hated him since before we were married and would like to run him over with a truck. As you can imagine, I am very hurt by this as she has never said to me in any way that she dislikes him at all, let alone that she hates him this much.

After all that sadness though, it truly was a good weekend. I had a Petra party at my house, and several people came. I also got enough orders to get $120 in credit for free things! Free is always good. My sister was able to be here for it, which made me very happy. She came up on Thursday and stayed all weekend. Friday we went and got my neice's photograph taken at Wal-Mart. Right now they have a special going on that includes tie-on angel wings, which is what we really wanted. So we got those and picked out a couple of the other poses as well. I'm really looking forward to getting those back.
Saturday was the day of the bad weather. We did end up going to the grocery store to pick up a few things, since we hadn't planned on eating dinner at home that day and needed food. When we went to the store, we were so glad we weren't going any further, because the roads were truly quite horrible. After coming back home, we had sandwiches for lunch and pretty much just hung out for the rest of the day. I made hotdogs and mac & cheese for dinner, with tater tots and peas on the side. After dinner I cleaned the kitchen while everyone else watched Star Wars (we have the DVDs). When that was over we played a DVD game (the one where you shout at the television screen), and after that game we played several hands of UNO. By this point we were all getting tired, and I had to work on Sunday morning, so we went to bed.
Sunday morning I got up and went to work, and my sister & BIL and neice came to see me on my lunch break. They were on their way out of town, so it was nice to be able to see them again before they left. After work on Sunday I had rehearsal for the show I got a part in, and after that Jon & I went to Bennigan's to eat.

Overall, despite the nasties, it was a good weekend.

I am so pissed off!

And here's why. I got this email today from someone who is supposedly my best friend. She mentions some things in the email that might not make sense to everyone who might read this, but some of it doesn't make sense to me!!

I'm so angry with you that I'm shaking. I cannot believe that you went to Detroit this weekend, spending money that you owe me!! Todd and I couldn't go because you owe me so much money, but you don't seem to want to pay it back that badly. And you always seem to be able to do and buy fun things. Like Valentine's day, where you told me how you went bowling and out to eat and to a movie, and got Jon an expensive gift.

Right now, I don't feel that we are friends. Friends don't do that to each other. I am going to be calling you tonight, if I don't get an email from you before. As of right now, I won't be going to your party, and I want my money back, in full, as soon as possible. I don't care at this point that you'll have to cancel cable, cell phones or anything like that. I'm so sick of you spending my money on yourself!

First of all, yes, I do owe her money. And yes, I have owed it to her for a while. But I have sent her money, within the last month no less! And the trip to Detroit was to celebrate a close friend's birthday - someone that I consider to be a BIL to me, since I consider his wife to be my sister and his daughter to be my neice. My husband & I spent very little money this weekend. We ate out once, and got gas once. Because another friend that I saw over the weekend gave me $6 that she owed me, I actually came home with the same amount of money I had when I left! That's how little we spent over the weekend.
And the Valentine's celebration that she's referring to wasn't a Valentine's thing at all. It happened to be at that time, but it was for DH's brother's SIX YEAR anniversary. They came to us so we could save on gas, and we went to a nice restaurant, and bowling, and to a movie because that is what they wanted to do for their anniversary, and they wanted us along. I truly have no idea what she's talking about when she says I bought Jon an expensive gift. I got him two gifts, the total of which was around $30. In my mind, even one gift at $30 would not be expensive, so I have no clue what she might be referring to. Can someone please define expensive for me??
And I love how she doesn't care that we would have to do without even more than we have already sacrificed by being poor. Also, I'm apparently not allowed to do or buy anything fun, no matter how small it may be. My life should be spent sitting at home doing nothing and speaking to no one except my husband, because obviously I don't deserve the luxury of a phone or internet access, let alone prescriptions or electricity or heat!
I am trying very hard not to get mad, but when someone goes on and on about how much money she herself (or her boyfriend) spends on herself, then tells me I'm not allowed to spend money on myself or my husband, and my husband is not allowed to spend money on me or himself, it just pisses me off. The hipocracy drives me crazy.

Birthday in Wisconsin

I'm sneaking this one in and back-dating it to when it should have been... I've been meaning to post on it for awhile but a lot has happened recently and I didn't get around to it until now.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. My actual birthday was spent on the road for 8+ hours. I got up early and went to pick up the rental car. I had reserved a "Ford Focus or similar" but when I arrived they had none of those available so I got a free upgrade - to a Ford Mustang!! It was a 2004 and a very nice car to drive. It very much enjoyed cruising the highway at 80 mph! There was a little bit of snow that I drove through to get home, but not too much. We loaded up the car and were able to leave fairly on time. I had hoped to leave at 11am but considered us as leaving on time if we left no later than noon. Since we left at about 11:30, we left pretty much on time.
We drove through Chicago at rush hour unfortunately, but we weren't too delayed by that. Our biggest delay was actually before Chicago, when it took us about half an hour to go 3 miles! Due to construction on the left lane and the right lane being exit only, three lanes went down to one at that one spot, so the traffic was backed up while everyone tried to merge in to the center lane.
Once we got into Wisconsin it was pretty much a straight shot north and an uneventful trip. When we arrived at the town where my aunt & uncle live, we went straight to the high school as my cousin was playing the tuba in the pep band that night for the basketball game. I was able to sneak past the ticket-takers and get into the gym to see her playing her tuba, then my aunt saw me and we went upstairs to the balcony where the band was and stayed there to listen until they were done playing. Then we went back to the house and unloaded the car and waited for everyone to get there.
Since it was also my cousin's birthday (hence the reason I chose that particular destination for my birthday trip) I knew that she would probably spend most of the evening with her friends, and I was right. She and her friends arrived at the house about 20 minutes after I did, the pep band committment lasting only until the beginning of the basketball game. Her friends were nice enough to sing "Happy Birthday" to me, and my aunt had made me a cake which my cousin had decorated, and we had some of that. My uncle stayed at the school to watch the basketball game, so it was quite a while before he got back. My cousin and her friends spent the evening in the basement hanging out and Jon & I went to bed before they came back upstairs.
Saturday Jon & I took another road trip. He and I are both NASCAR fans, and his favorite driver (Matt Kenseth) has his fan club headquarters in Wisconsin. It was 2 hours from my aunt's house, so quite a trek considering how much driving we were already doing that weekend, but we went anyway. We had a good time and very much regretted having forgotten our camera! I didn't get to see my cousin at all on Saturday because we left before she got up and she was gone babysitting before we got back and we went to bed before she got home from babysitting.
Sunday we didn't do much. I talked to my aunt, and Jon talked to my uncle. We looked through some photographs, and my cousin's boyfriend came over to see her and hang out some, so I got to meet him. He is a nice boy, and in training to become a fire fighter so he left when he heard that there was a fire nearby, hoping to be able to get involved with putting out the fire. After watching the weather report on television and checking a few online weather sites, we decided that we should probably get going since they were predicting that snow would start falling soon and we wanted to try and stay ahead of it. So we packed up the car and left. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel for lunch on the way home (Jon had never eaten there, but I assured him that it was much yummy) which delayed us a little since it is a sit-down place, but had no other delays on our trip home. We did, however, defy the sense that a trip home always seems faster than the trip away, since the trip home seemed to take much longer than the trip there. I suppose the time change had something to do with it since it was an hour later at home than it was at my aunt & uncle's house.
We are hoping to go back in late May when the weather will be pretty and Jon is out of school, allowing us to possibly go during the week and see my cousin in either a band concert or a soccer game or both.

Yay!!!

I'm going to have company this weekend. My "sister" and her hubby & daughter are coming, as well as another good friend, to spend the weekend. I haven't seen any of them since November or before, so I'm geeked to get to see them.
Also, I am so happy that NASCAR season is here again!! Yay! I hope Rusty Wallace does really well this year. He's my favorite driver, but this is his last year racing so I hope he is able to go out with a great season. I asked Jon for a "Rusty's Last Call" coat for my birthday this year.
Another reason to be excited: I'm going to Wisconsin for my birthday!! Finally, Kelsy and I will be able to celebrate our birthday together! I've only been wanting to do this for 16 years (she's turning 16 this year).

Well, gotta go work on cleaning. My house is NOT currently ready for a 16-month-old to invade!

Yesterday

Yesterday's post relates how I feel about some people on FF who are report-happy.

I heard some sad news on FF yesterday, that someone who was a member of FF unexpectedly died, leaving behind a sweet DH and 8-month-old daughter. I went and found the thread her husband had started and left a post expressing my condolences, knowing that someone is collecting all of the well-wishes into a scrapbook for the husband & daughter.
Well, that post got reported!! Somebody was hunting through my signature looking for something to report. It's the only way possible, because what was reported was a hidden link to the blinkie site that I get my blinkie calendar from. Nowhere does the calendar indicate that it is a link. You have to be looking for it to find it.
I was very upset. I leave the safety of my Buddy Groups to post condolences for someone, and it costs me not only being reported, but my signature got erased as well. I have to rebuild my signature, and I had to contact the FF community manager to find out just what was wrong with my signature in the first place, since the two PMs I received said nothing about what I did wrong (neither mentioned anything about links). It was very frustrating and hurtful to me that I did something nice for someone and got reported for it.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

It's said all good deeds are looked at with an ice-cold eye
If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure I meant well but look at what well-meant did

from the Broadway Musical "Wicked"

Johnny Carson

I just heard that Johnny Carson died this morning. He was 79. I can remember staying up late occasionally to watch him on the Tonight Show, and I remember watching the very last show he hosted, back in 1992. I was in 9th grade.
It's a testament to how well loved he was that I found out from a special news report on ABC, the competitor to the channel he was connected with, NBC.

Home alone

I really don't like being home alone. I can deal with it, but it is hard for me. I've always been a people person, and don't like being alone at all.
Jon had to go to his brother's house for the weekend. I understand why, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. He's getting something fixed on his car (the one I fixed the door handle on) and he's talking to his dad about the runaround the insurance company is giving us for the car that will be totalled.
To top it off, it snowed last night and today. Snowed a lot. I had to blaze a trail out of the driveway to go to work this morning, and blaze a new one tonight when I got home. The wind is really blowing a lot so it's drifting really high. I am hoping and praying that I will be able to get out of the driveway again tomorrow evening when I have to go to work again! Today I got out at 8pm and tomorrow I don't even go in until 6pm. I'll be there until nearly 11:30, so hopefully the driveway won't be a big mess for me. Luckily work is very understanding about snowstorms (some people no-call/no-showed, but they won't get in trouble for it) so if I have to call in tomorrow it won't be a big deal - except for the money I'll be missing out on.
I hope when Jon gets back we are able to pick up our snowblower from layaway... we could really use it right about now!

I did it!!

I changed the door handle on the driver's side of the car!
After taking a hair dryer to the door, it mysteriously came open. Turns out it wasn't truly frozen after all, but something inside, in the mechanism, is bent. This is on the passenger side, but the driver's side door has been broken for almost 2 years and we've just been dealing with it because the passenger side always worked. The passenger side is the one that we thought was frozen shut, but as it turns out wasn't frozen but bent. This is bad, since if we can't get in at all we can't use the car.
After the door opened (and it only opened the one time, the first time I managed it), I opened up the driver's side door and we went about the process of jump-starting the battery. Jon was fiddling with the door, trying to figure out what the problem is and why it wasn't working. It seemed to be working just fine, so why it would no longer open from the outside was a mystery. Even looking inside the mechanism didn't help much, since moving the handle made the mechanism move.
Once the battery was charged and the car was running, we went to a parts shop to see how much a new door handle would be. It was more than we wanted to spend ($40) but worth it if it means that the door will work. Then we came home, and I took the old handle off and put the new one on! It was such very cold work, by the time I was done I couldn't feel my fingers or my legs. Jon helped some, but that is one of those types of jobs that a second person is more in the way than helpful most of the time, so I mostly did it alone. But I wanted to, I had said I could do it (my exact words were, "how hard can it be?") and I wanted to do it.
And I did it!! The driver's side door opens like a dream now, it's never been this easy to open, even before it was broken.
Also, opening up the driver's side door allowed us to see that one of the rods in the door is supposed to be straight, and is bent on the passenger side. Now that we know what the problem is, we are going to go easy on the door and not even try to open it from the outside. Especially now that the driver's door works so well. I'm so excited that I fixed it, even if it did make me so darn cold.

This is just cruel...

There's a new ice cream store in our town. It's called Cold Stone Creamery and it is really yummy. They make all of their ice cream in-store daily. And you can mix in different items ranging from fruit to candy to nuts. There are even no sugar/no fat options. It's really good. I love it, and I've only had it twice. You get a lot for your money, it's worth what you pay for it. If I had the money, I could easily eat it every day.

Here's the cruel part:

It's right next to Curves.

Football & Window film

It's been a football day. We had to go to the store today, and even though we got up late (around noon - so nice) Jon wanted to hurry up and go so that we could get back and not miss too much of the game (Minnesota vs. Philadelphia). I have no preference, since the team I like (Green Bay) is already out of the playoffs. Jon really doesn't like either team, but he dislikes Philadelphia more so he wanted Minnesota to win. Sadly, they lost. Right now we are watching a different football game (Indianapolis vs. New England) and this time he does have a preference - he really wants Indianapolis to win. We shall see.

We have also been doing some cleaning - I cleared off the dining room table. I want to keep it cleared off, so we can eat there. I don't like our current habit of eating in the living room. Sadly, my table is already covered again!! But, it is covered with something that will soon be removed - window film. We are just now finally getting around to covering our windows with film to keep the drafts out. We covered the dining room window between football games, and we will be doing the bedroom windows at halftime. Once we're done with the windows, the stuff will be put away and my table will once again be clear.

I need to get busy scanning photos. I wanted to make this scrapbook for my mum for Mother's Day last year, but ran out of money. Then I decided it would be a Christmas present but again, no money. So it is now her birthday present but it's not done! Her birthday was last Wednesday (12th)! AAArgh! It would help a lot if I could get to our scanner a bit better. The scanner is connected to the desktop, which is in the office, and to say that the office is cluttered is being very nice. There's not even a path; you have to climb over things just to reach the desk. I've asked Jon if I couldn't move the scanner out here to do my project, but he really doesn't want me to do that. I'm still trying to wear him down on it though. We almost never use the desktop because we can't get to it very well, so why shouldn't I bring out the printer/scanner so we can get some use out of it?

More Automotive Frustrations

I really do detest cold weather. I was born and brought up in warm climates, where the coldest it gets (on average) is around 40 degrees (Farenheit). When I was six my Christmas dress was a pinafore-style dress, with straps across the back and a bib front. We were in the Phillippines that year. I've lived in Michigan for 11 1/2 years now, and I still am not used to the cold. I don't think I ever will get used to it.

Our "good" car, the Grand Prix that I used to drive before Jon's car got crunched, is having door issues. It already had door issues, because the door handle is broken on the driver's side and that door will only open from the inside. But for the past three days, because it's been so very cold, the passenger side door has frozen shut. We are paranoid about breaking the door handle (understandably - these are weak handles) and therefore simply pulling on it is out. We tried the hot water thing, which works to an extent, but leaves you still with a frozen door because it is water after all. I even sprayed windshield de-icer into it, which helped last night but not this morning.
All this fighting with the door has left me very sore. My arms ache from trying to find new ways to pull on a door. My back aches from the pulling. My head aches from listening to Jon complain about the stupid car. All this aching leaves me tired, more tired than before (and I was already quite exhausted for some unknown reason).
I sure hope it warms up soon... this is getting ridiculous. According to weather.com, our 10-day forecast shows that the highest it will be for the next 10 days is 29 degrees, and we will have to wait over a week for it to get that "warm". Ugh.

Darn Thermometer

Well, my thermometer failed me this morning. I always temp and then put it away, coming back later when I really wake up to check my temperature so I can input it onto my chart. Today when I went back to check my temp - this is what the screen looked like: --.- Like I can enter that as a valid temp. Sheesh.

I need to pick up the house AGAIN.... it's so frustrating. The front room was shiny clean on Sunday, (Sunday!) and now it's cluttered again. I feel like I'm never going to get it all together.

I think it's also time to take down my Christmas cards. I love them all, they're gorgeous. But it is about time for that set of doors to become just doors again and not a showcase. They'll be a showcase once again come the end of Febuary, and then again in April, and November. Any time we get cards that's where they go.

I'm trying not to feel disheartened by our lack of success in ttc. We've done better with intercourse timing this month (week?) but I think we both need something of a break. I'm really trying to hold out on TAB until April or May, but the reality of it is that it will probably be emotionally better for both of us to stop trying so hard for awhile. The stress is really getting to us both. I had a meltdown over the holidays because I was supposed to be O-ing and we couldn't get any privacy to have sex! I still can't believe it. And as it turned out, it was a moot point since I still haven't O'd. It appears that Clomid will not work for me on CD 3-7. It was good on 4-8 and 5-9, but 3-7 has done nothing for me.